They beer hatin'

What do Dennis Leary, Danny DeVito, and the recently-cancelled TBS show "My Boys" have in common?

They love beer...and yet they hate beer.

All three have gone out of their way to define what "real beer" actually is, and all three seemed to have the same answer:

"real beer is...well...uh...it's NOT what those microbreweries are making! That stuff ain't beer at all!"

Don't try to think about that too hard. Finding out what triggers that kind of knee-jerk reaction would take years, millions of dollars, and the combined efforts of experts in sociology, psychology, history, marketing, political science, and quite possibly religion. The best I can surmise is that "beer" is the stuff you're supposed to drink in college, at barbecues, at the ballpark, and at just about every situation you can picture in a popular beer commercial. If a chorus of frogs tells you to do it, then the beer must be good.

In order for beer to be considered "beer", one requires some kind of fermented grain and some hops for flavor. Microbrews pass this literal definition test with flying colors, so these celebrities seem to be speaking about something else. In the immortal words of Jerry Seinfeld, "What's the deal with microbrews?" Aside from the clearly idiotic notion that some people might actually enjoy the taste of a beverage that has a different flavor than most (otherwise Blue Point Blueberry Ale or Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout would not exist), what we see is marketing genius at its very best.

Anheuser-Busch and Miller-Coors dominate the domestic beer market, with A-B alone controlling 53.4% of the market share in 2009. Those companies are great at what they do, and they are a testament to marketing success, so angry beer snobs should direct their ire elsewhere. "Hate the player, not the game," as they say.

The only way for a brewery to survive in a market saturated with light lagers is to find a niche and exploit it. Dogfish Head does it with its India Pale Ales. Ommegang does it with its Belgian-style brews. Sam Adams does it by putting their own twist on popular international styles. When given the choice between a 6-dollar six pack of Bud Light or a 9-dollar six pack of microbrew light made with natural ingredients, consumers are going to side with their wallets.

So why all the hate for microbrews? Call it a combination of ignorance and more ignorance. No brewery would call its beer "better" than any other's, and everyone's taste differs. But humans are creatures of habit, and they'll continue to side with the beer that's most familiar to them. Maybe they think microbrews are trying to tear down the beers they know and love? Maybe it's some strange form of Stockholm Beer Syndrome?

Whatever the case, try a local beer this weekend. Support your local small business, and who knows? Maybe that stupid microbrew stuff doesn't taste as bad as Dennis Leary described it.